Actually, The Phantom Planet is really one of those damn phantom asteroids (resembling a giant bowel movement) that zips around space on its own power, and sucks the spaceship of DEAN FREDERICKS to its surface. Once Fredericks is exposed to its atmosphere, he gets dizzy, sees ten teenie-tiny men creep up on him, and shrinks inside his space suit (a great shot) until he’s only a few inches high. Next thing you know, he’s having a fist-fight with one of the little men right inside his space helmet! Yes, boys and girls, it’s another sci-fi kiddie matinee full of rockets dodging meteors, aliens in fiery space ships, an astronaut who floats to his death reciting “The Lord’s Prayer,” an allegedly “advanced race” that lives in a self-imposed “primitive” lifestyle because they once had too much leisure time on their hands (huh?), and, best of all, what may very well be the funniest-looking monster in movie history. And, because it’s all set in the futuristic world of 1980, everything is carefully explained with a lot of scientific jibberish that doesn’t make a goddamn bit of sense.

Tensions between Achilles and Agamemnon after ten years of the Trojan War cause divisions between different factions within the Greek camp.

Awwwwww, freak out! Noted Percocet hound SONNY BONO, replete in shiny orange suit, dishes about Marijuana and how its users are cooler than those "square and unhip alcoholics". Still, the film illustrates the downsides to grass, such as seeing yourself in a mirror with a spooky monster mask, careening off a cliff, or -- in the case of one Nigerian pusher -- executed. You also see a monkey taking bong hits in a lab, which is, quite frankly, priceless. But Narcotics: The Inside Story shows you a bunch of rats hopped up on pills, which is far more entertaining than watching the computer animated antics of Stuart Little; followed by happy-go-lucky teenagers enjoying a seemingly unrelated beach blanket barbecue featuring a rather milquetoast volleyball game and weenie roast. Also featuring: Focus on Heroin, Thinking About Drinking, The PCP Story, and more.

A monstrous and evil brain from outer space leads his minions on a crusade to conquer the entirety of the universe, unleashing hideous monsters on Earth that spread deadly diseases.

A juvenile delinquent gets out of the pen and immediately embarks on a rampage of untethered anger, most of it directed at the girlfriend of the journalist who helped send him up.

From Something Weird Video: During the Great White Suburban Drug Scare of the late sixties / early seventies, parents, educators, and corporate sponsors banded together in an effort to scare American teens away from getting high. It might be argued that the weird and often hysterical propoganda films that emerged from this era created more drug abuse than they prevented. Nevertheless, here’s a handful of Classroom Scare Films from a groovy by-gone era that will fascinate and entertain you from beginning to end... Featuring Featuring Weed, Ups / Downs, and more.

To celebrate 20 years of Something Weird bringing the world the very best in subversive, disreputable, and cult cinema, SWV made available four exceedingly rare, never-before-released jewels that will make any cinephile’s head light up and spin. Rosie (b&w) is a failed 19-minute pilot for a TV sitcom about a talking dog named Rosie. It is absolutely horrifying. Why? Because the dog is not played by a real canine (or a puppet or a cartoon) but by a large adult in a mangy dog suit with a creepy dog face, clumsily walking around on his hands and knees. The Weird World of Weird (1970, color) is a loony 47-minute never-aired TV special in which host RALPH STORY explores psychic phenomena, astrology, witchcraft and “all those mysterious secrets hidden in the mystical world of the occult.” with detours to a psychic “balloon reader” and a spook-filled séance at the Magic Castle. It's got a groovy, late-60s psychedelic feel to it all that makes it a wonderfully bizarre time capsule. Follow That Skirt (1964, color) is a nasty little 26-minute short that was probably intended to be America’s second gore film. Though not released until 1965 when, according to Dave Friedman, it played a single theater in San Francisco, there’s little doubt that Blood Feast was its influence. Based on the popularity of its trailer, The Smut Peddler (1965, b&w) is among a handful of currently “lost” films that Something Weird (as well as the rest of the world) has been actively searching for. So we were thrilled when we at least found this much in excellent condition. And, yeah, it’s good stuff. A crude oyster-eating publisher, a lesbian secretary, and a French photographer all love mauling and exploiting their lovely nude models while W.B. PARKER (Olga’s House of Shame) is shocked and appalled. - Frank Henenlotter

POLLY POCKETS, an un-aired pilot for a 1960’s kiddie TV show that has absolutely nothing to do with the tiny plastic dolls, and is best viewed under the influence of a mind-altering substance. It features a cheerfully toothy brunette who wears a gaudy patchwork skirt with magical pockets filled with all sorts of goodies. She is accompanied by Dandy Andy, a middle-aged man dressed like Abe Lincoln. After gliding upon a magical trunk, they reach a world of whimsy, complete with kooky contraptions, calliope music, rope tricks, and stories which are told with hand-drawn cartoon illustrations. (Apparently, there was no budget for actual animation.) When Polly pulls an onion out of her pocket, she’s reminded of an adventure at the Castle of Gloom, where character actor Percy Helton is a henchman, and she’s arrested for being happy and sent to the onion dungeon.

If you're simply crazy about giant balloons, parades, floats, and marching bands, then Fun in Balloon Land is for you! Unintentionally campy, this amateur production will leave you shaking your head and asking yourself, Why, oh why?! Little Sonny falls asleep in mothers arms and dreams he's transported to a most mystical magical land Balloon Land! There he is greeted by gigantic helium-filled fairy tale characters and awkward kids who muddle through song and dance routines. After a rousing rendition of Ring Around The Rosy, Sonny comes out wearing a pair of gold lamé short-shorts (looking very much like a miniature go-go boy) and has an adventure at the bottom of the sea. The lad shakes hands with a giant octopus and meets some weirdees, including two mermaids, a fish who sounds like Paul Lynde, and a guy in a scary paper-maché lobster costume.